i want to give up. i want to shut the world out. I want to run away and forget everyone and everything i’ve ever known. Even on my best days, my anxiety holds me in dark places where light is sometimes never visible at all. Everyone says there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, But what happens when The tunnel has no end? Darkness. It consumes me. I’m alone. In crowds of people, I’m alone. In groups of friends, I am alone. There is not one person that understands me. More than that, There’s not one person who cares to understand me, Not one person who wants to understand me. Because i am of no importance, To anybody. No one cares for me as i do them. I put every single person before myself, But who puts me first? No one. Who cares deeply for me as i do them? No one. Who questions me about my life choices and things i say and do to make sure that I’m in a good spot and really want to do what i plan to do? No one. No one checks in on me. No one asks if i’m okay. No one thinks, Worries, Cares or questions me as i do them. It does not matter if i am okay or not, if i need something, how stressed i am, if i want something, Or how i feel at all. Everyone else is always before me. I am the least significant person to mine, And everyone else’s lives. There’s people that i’d drop everything and run to just because they “need to talk” that dont even answer their phone if i’m in the same predicament. There’s not one person who cares for me as i do them. I bend over backwards for people who couldn’t care less about me. I want to give up. I am done. In my head, is the absolute saddest darkest scariest place to be, Yet i can’t leave. And no one wants in. No one will ever understand me. No one has ever understood me, And the people who have cared enough to, Walk away because its too much for them to handle.. it’s to scary, i don’t matter enough. Everybody leaves. I’m a walking tragedy. My entire life has been nothing but tragedy. I’m told to stop playing the victim, But that’s all I will ever be, Because no one cares enough to instead of saying “stop playing the victim” Allow me to be so And comfort me past it. I will always be the one to care too much. I will always be the one to love more. I will always be the one to walk miles for people who wouldn’t walk minutes for me. I’m alone in a world where there’s a million people. I am expected to do so much for so many, But who does the same for me? No one. I have no one. I am no one. I spend my time alone with my thoughts and it is eating me alive. the ability to balance caring too much and not enough, is so far from my reach, I will wither away to nothing before getting to where i need to be. I need to get away. I need to run from everything and everyone i’ve ever known. I need to be gone.